#Honest&TrueTalk
#BecauseOfShushantSinghRajput
#MustReadTillLast
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I finally want to say something today. I thought so much about whether I should make this thing public or not but finally, I will do that. This wouldn't spoil your time.
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I haven't shared it ever with anyone. But today I feel, there is a need for it. I know that this message will become 'NOT INTERESTED TO READ' category after 4-5 days but that's ok.
Because ignoring what is going on behind the smile, can't actually solve it and make this smile last forever.
To every one of us, at one moment in life, time kuch aisa jarur feel karte h jiska sirf ek hi matlab hota h "life is no more a desire for me and there is nothing left for me now".
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I have experienced it in reality and this is my story. If I am sharing it, I mean it to be read it at least once. I am doing this just to prevent something crucial you will know after reading it.
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I promise this entire length will not bore you but at the same time, it won't entertain you as well. It may hurt you unintentionally too.
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I am feeling very tough to remember everything again.
Everyone in my life near to me and my heart vanished one by one. I was completely devastated and collapsed internally. This feeling hurts me always whenever it comes to my mind. Life started becoming not interested and useless for me.
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I was (even today) not addicted to any activity like smoking or drinking or anything like that could even temporarily drive me away from my thoughts. I was going deeper and deeper into an unending loop of thoughts and stresses but was not even willing to do anything that could make me feel good. After December 2016, days kept on passing without doing anything except sleeping, sleeping, and sleeping.
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I remember a day very firmly which I can't forget. It was somewhere around 22 Feb 2017, when I had forgotten to eat anything for more than 2 days and kept on sleeping only.
At that moment, I was living in New Delhi, Ghitorni preparing for IES/GATE/ISRO in MadeEasy. But there was some different level of struggle that was going on inside me, which is not EXPLAINABLE entirely. So, after 2 days, when I was lost in sleeping, I received a call from one of my coaching friends for taking lunch together of 'Chawal-Daal-Aloo ka Bhujia' combination which he knew I like very much and he had unknowingly made the same on that day so he had called me. When I went to him, he casually asked me if I took breakfast or I was sleeping only, then I got so shocked to remember that I hadn't eaten anything for the last 2 days. I felt it that no, I am not well. But this was not it, the worst step was still waiting.
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I was slowly approaching toward the verge of that crucial moment too, which if I had not managed, this group of people either couldn't even know or would have forgotten who 'Abhijeet' was. I was supported by one but mocked upon by many as well.
And believe me, mental or moral support by others is just a myth with a reality of existing for a little moment. You are your only master. If you won't accept it, you are surely going to lose the game.
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Only reputed diseases get actual moral support and that too for a very short moment because some believe that giving moral support may make him/her addicted to it. But is it really true??? This notion is the same as, if you are having severe fever then giving medicines properly on time may make you addicted to it....???? This is what the majority of our population is made up of as I have perceived it in those moments, which may not be true from your point of view. But you may start thinking like me, once you will cross this situation and I don't hope such things to happen in your life.
And talking about Shushant, he would have definitely experienced this. He might have no that one closest hand to handle his sensitive and emotional problem he was depressed by. His problem would have become much bigger than we could even imagine while handling it alone. and what role did millions of followers play in saving him? Nothing. It's not like criticizing his fans but the reality is reality. The digital world is just creating more loneliness and we couldn't even realize it.
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Suicide can't be stopped no matter what you do. Once the reason behind committing it, is justified, it's going to achieve its own happening anyhow. This is not like I am promoting it. You can feel my words only if you are reading this page with a silent mind.
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Reading up to now, if your mind said anything little or big, which suggests you silently anything like
- I don't believe this story completely.
or
- He might be trying to act differently
or
- it may be recast/molded/added up words,
then you just obeyed the first step toward creating one of the numerous reasons for promoting depression and that is under-estimating the problem if it is not your own which finally finds its way to suicide.
So. if you can't believe in someone's grief, you shouldn't ask everyone to open up the heart in a fake promise of 'We are always here for you' on social media? Truth is, if I will call you for more than 5 times just for one day, your status will soon become "You are the only creator of your own destiny. No one can help you except you" or something like this.
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And keeping this widespread thought process of people in my mind, I took the most dangerous decision of my life which was completely justified for me no matter what people will say or think.
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Either
I will successfully pull myself out of this havoc on my own by being my only companion.
Or
I would love to say GOODBYE and won't beg for help from anyone.
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My decision was crystal clear without even the smallest possible doubt.
I started searching online (a place where I usually get almost everything) for what to do. I discovered meditation can make things better. I started doing it slowly and in just a matter of days I found, I am not able to do this. My thoughts were so solid that my mind had almost stopped understanding what silence is. "I was so stuck in that loop that somewhere in mind I had started feeling like I may never return back now and perhaps not much life is left". with a little difficulty in breathing.
I can feel this sentence even today with the same intensity, it was truly horrible. This may be how death feels like. I had developed all the symptoms required.
Aur mujhe janne walo ko mere bare me kya pata? Kuch nai, kyunki maine kabhi kuchh bataya hi nai. Agar mere se kuch galat ho jata to logo ko yahi lagta, "sab to thik hi tha fir achanak..??." Same as Shushant case. Lekin achanak kuchh v nai hota bhai. Samjhana chahoge to jarur dikhega, sabkuchh dikhega. Suicide is not like hobbies, ki man nai lag raha to chalo suicide kar lete h. It's a result of very long-suffering and grief by because someone/some condition who should actually be there to support you.
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At that point of time, three characters have unknowingly helped me to make me able to survive that horrible situation, they are Sandeep Maheshwari, Kapil Sharma and YouTube. I then somehow generated the habit of listening to different motivational speakers. YouTube used to suggest me different videos based on my last watching behavior. In the meantime, I came to know about a lot of people who started making me feel like my problem is not the biggest in this world. I listened from them and started practicing "I am greater than my problem???"
The question mark was just to indicate that this sentence was almost impossible for me to believe.
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I started coming across different thoughts and philosophies of what life actually is. I knew about what to do when you have no idea about what should I really do now or when you are completely stuck. I felt knowing and exploring the actuality of my existence. I started loving loneliness. And much more happened to me. Overall I started knowing life and developing enthusiasm for knowing more about this game. And that's where I find a little hope of light to anyhow pull myself completely out of this situation anyhow.
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I started listening what could possibly make me able to see this world before leaving it forever as I was not 100% willing for choosing the worst step but Isay it again, if I couldn't have handled myself properly, that worst step would have achieved its 100% probability in just 3 months (i.e, Feb 2017-June 2017). That was the most critical duration of my life which had transformed my inner world.
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It took me way long (up to June-July 2018) to dissolve this sentence 'I AM BIGGER THAN MY PROBLEM' into my blood that too without a question mark.
And now:
👉I am greater than my problem.
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👉I can definitely do something (not illegal) to make a way through any situation.
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👉I am proud to be myself with whatever I have and I literally have no complaint of anything from nature.
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👉I have never hurt anyone for my personal satisfaction or for any other purpose.
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👉I am the best in best friends of mine.
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👉I have never done anything wrong to anyone which might bother me during my last breath that "Why did I do that to him/her?".
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👉I learned that when a problem comes, it brings solutions and opportunities with itself too, but are we ready enough to perceive it?
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👉I strongly believe in Krishna. (A completely different topic which can't be explained but can only be experienced by yourself.)
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👉And the most important thing I knew- My health is my highest priority then comes anything else."
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Life is nothing but just a COUNT DOWN GAME of enjoying as many levels of this GAME as possible before you run out of time.
According to me, this game can be thought of only one crucial RULE i.e.,
"DON'T HURT ANYONE FOR YOUR SATISFACTION/SELFISHNESS AND THEN KEEP BEGGING FOR SORRY".
That's it.
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You do whatever you want to do in this game just NEVER EVER FORGET the only rule i.e, "Don't hurt someone and avoid creating a situation to beg for sorry."
Es sentence ko ratta mar ke yaad karo, khun me khusao. Don't let regret ever enter your life. It can be the biggest curse one can get in this Kalyug.
So please don't hurt anyone ever, it does come back. No one can change it. The more it will delay, the bigger you will pay.
And now I want to admit that, today my life is live because of direct or indirect blessings/words received from these great people/movies/books:
...
👉Mummy-Papa (some past memories)
👉A few friends
👉Sandeep Maheshwari
👉MadeEasy Faculties👉Guru Gaur Gopal Das
👉Sadhguru
👉Kapil Sharma
👉Elon Musk
👉Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam
👉Nick Vujicic (Please Listen to Him)
👉Steve Jobs
👉Acid attack survivors
👉Shah Rukh Khan
👉Osho
👉Sonu Sharma
👉Vivek Bindra
👉Dr. Lipton
👉Think and Grow Rich (Book)
👉You can win (Book)
👉Power of Subconscious Mind (Book)
👉The Matrix
👉Interstellar
👉Limitless
👉3 Idiots
👉Julius Caeser (Play)
👉Mahabharata (Epic)
.
.
.
This list is countless in reality.
And now, I want to ask 6 questions to let you feel a little about life:
1. "Are you bigger than your problem..???" Because BIGGER WILL SURVIVE.
2. Do you respect all every human being irrespective of your relation with him/her out of the digital world...????
3. Do you take care to not hurt anyone intentionally...??
4. Are you loving your life with whatever you have..???
5. Do you respect and enjoy nature and its creations..??
6. Do you gossip about/mock upon anyone when he is not present...??
If your answer is YES for all except the last one, then believe me from my point of view, you are destined to be a happy and amazing person. Just feel proud of yourself.
But if any of your answers except 6th is NO or 6th is YES, You will have to start working on it ASAP.
I am no one to direct you but if TIME will get the chance to DIRECT you, regret will make its permanent space.
And don't be in a hurry to quit this GAME my friend. It starts and ends only once, so please play it at fullest. Jab out hona hi hai to sab kuchh enjoy kar ke kyun nahi.......???? Aap hi batao esme galat kya hai....????
Thanks
